How to Get Back With Your Ex - The Post-Breakup Contact

So the dust has settled a bit since you and your ex broke up, but you can't forget the time you two spent together. You're determined to get your ex back... but now you have to decide how to make that first post-breakup contact. Do it correctly, and all will likely fall into place... but do it wrong, and you can ruin your future together forever. So how do you make that crucial contact, so you can win back your ex and get on with your relationship?

First, you need to be positive that that enough time has gone by since the breakup. In most cases, it's a good idea to wait at least a month... but that depends on a variety of factors. If your relationship ended in a rather dramatic vein, you might need some more time to work through all of the bitterness and hostility. If you try to make contact before you deal with your emotions, you're probably just going to end up ruining your chances for good.

The sticking point here, of course, is that you don't really know how long it's going to take your ex to be ready to talk about getting back together. If there are weighty issues (for example, your ex is coping with infidelity or some other horrendous screw-up on your part), it might take several months before your ex is ready. As long as no serious transgressions occurred, though, a month should be fine.

Now, how do you contact your ex? Well, there are several options - you could stop by; you could call; or you could send a letter or an email. Each of these methods has its advantages and disadvantages.

Just stopping by works out great if your ex has been longing to see you, and is absolutely ready to restore the relationship. If that's the case, the two of you can pick up where you left off, and pretend like the breakup never happened.

That sounds great, right? The problem is, it usually doesn't happen like that. If the issues in your relationship were big enough that the two of you broke up, you're probably not in for a fairytale reunion. Your ex might even your stopping by unannounced as intrusive, which lends it self to anger more than joy. That's not exactly a great way to win back your ex. Put this one at the bottom of your list of options.

Calling can be a great option if you're sure you can keep your emotions in check. This is a bit of a gamble, because you might think you'll be fine, but as soon as you hear your ex's voice, your heart might hit your stomach... and you might fall apart. So then your first post-breakup contact results in you looking like a needy, emotionally imbalanced train wreck. Not good. The upside of calling, though, is that it's warm and personal. As long as you can keep it together, calling is the most effective option.

If you think you might get overly emotional if you call your ex, it might be a good idea to write a letter instead. This way, you can think about what you want to say for as long as you need to. If the words don't come out right, you can always just start over - no embarrassment, no regret. It might sound a bit old-fashioned, but real handwriting on real paper is the best choice... it's more personal than email, and is more likely to touch your ex's heart. The downside of sending a letter, though, is that there's plenty of time for you to hang around waiting to see how (or if) your ex will respond. It lacks the immediacy of a phone call - which can be rather taxing.

Of course, some of you might say that handwriting a letter is passe, and that it's fine to just email instead. Well, it's true that your ex will receive an email much more quickly than a letter, and write a response faster. Nonetheless, if you're going to write instead of calling, handwriting is still the best way to go. Email is impersonal, and says, "I don't really care enough to put my heart into this." Email if you must, but you're not as likely to get a warm response.